Drinking Deeply

Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 2:33 AM

Be watchmen

Ezekiel 33

7"So you, son of man, I have made a watchman for the house of Israel. Whenever you hear a word from my mouth, you shall give them warning from me. 8If I say to the wicked, O wicked one, you shall surely die, and you do not speak to warn the wicked to turn from his way, that wicked person shall die in his iniquity, but his blood I will require at your hand. 9But if you warn the wicked to turn from his way, and he does not turn from his way, that person shall die in his iniquity, but you will have delivered your soul.

I remember during spring break of my senior year of high school (haha, like that was that long ago) my home church held a day long discussion forum for kids and their parents about college and church and Christianity.

One thing that stuck out to me was that at the end of the day we had an open discussion where kids asked questions of parents and parents asked questions of kids. Since I was like the only person who's parents were not there, I ended up speaking a lot (wasn't afraid? Or just plain stupid). We covered a whole slew of topics, from dating and relationships, what is expected about college, what classes to take, what kinds of challenges to expect.

A lot of good things were said there about college, about Christianity in a college setting, but one thing that stuck out to me was when we talked about dating. At the time I was dating a girl and I really liked her. Like obsessively. Not healthy yeah. To top it off, she wasn't a Christian. I think I knew something was wrong about it, but I never really bothered to find out. Well to put it shortly, whenever any questions were asked about dating, like "what do kids think about dating? Should dating be allowed? How is dating connected to marriage?" I ended up responding to a great deal of them, mostly because I wanted to keep my relationship and I didn't want people to say things that I didn't like. Much of what I said at that time I now see as completely false, completely incorrect, and completely tainted by my own personal feelings instead of examined in light of Scripture. A couple of people there mentioned that they never thought about it the way I thought about it, and to be honest that's a good thing because the way I thought about it was solely to please myself. It wasn't about a possibility of marriage, about pursuing Christ-glorifying relationships, it was about "hanging out and enjoying myself."

How much I now wish someone had pulled me aside and talked to me! I made so many mistakes with that relationship, mistakes that I have regretted and will regret for a very long time. Thinking about it causes me great sadness at my actions.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe it's something that I've hung onto and now eats me alive. The power of the gospel is immense, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. It's an infinite forgiveness for infinite sin. Praise be to the Father! I've also talked it out many a time with close friends and my ex. It saddens me, but it doesn't consume me.

I also don't hold anything against the people there. In all honesty I didn't know people there, they didn't know me. I imagine many of them were unsure of where I was coming from (heck, I didn't know where I was coming from). God was still glorified in my sin. Because of His purpose and His plan, I have been convicted, driven to my knees, beaten and broken before an almighty and Holy God. There I have found forgiveness, grace, mercy, and there I have begun to stumble in my pursuit of Him. I praise the Father that He has brought me through those trials, and is now continuing to bring me through them. I cannot help but tremble at what lies ahead (please don't call me to the missions field! =p), at the same time I trust in His perfect love that drives out all fear.

Which brings me to the point of my post I guess. I've been so blessed here at Stanford to have friends who have been willing to call me out on sin. Not only close friends like my accountability partner(s), but other brothers and sisters that have realized something was seriously wrong and pursued me, even when all I wanted to do was stew and dwell. Through guidance and teaching (sometimes very harsh teaching and stern guidance) God has molded me, wearing off my rough edges (of which there still are a lot). Painful process yes, but I'm glad it's happening none-the-less.

I hope that I would be the same to others, always pointing towards the cross, rebuking sin and correcting and encouraging always. I know sometimes I am overly critical and overly harsh, it's another one of those rough edges that needs to get worn, but I'm trying to learn, and trying to help others too (by God's sovereign will of course).

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Micks,

Good to hear that God is still working on you. We all have a long way to go, especially the "sketchy" graduate students out there...

John Kang  

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Blogger Frank Martens said...

Mickey,

Dude, awesome post and a great way to be transparent!

I lack some of the kind of people that you talk about in my own life. I wish I had stronger Christians who understood the Sovereign Grace doctrines. It'd probably sting none-the-less to have my errors pointed out. However, it'd be good!

Keep on Press'n on!
Cheers  

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