Drinking Deeply

Thursday, February 10, 2005 at 8:12 PM

A (mountain) peak in my heart

"Isn't it funny that we don't want people to know how messed up we are, because we think they won't love us, yet we always doubt if anyone truly loves us, because they don't know how messed up we are?"
- a friend's away msg.

I definitely see the truth of that in my own life. The ironies are just amazing, amusing. Here I am, here we are, desperately hoping for something more, but living in this constant fear that this "something more" will ruin us.

Flipping the coin ... how am I showing myself to others? Am I judgemental, prideful, unapproachable. What do I do when people show themselves to me? I've heard many a time that we are to be FAT: Faithful, Approachable, Teachable. Where am I now?


I went visiting a frosh who was studying at Meyer today. I walked right past her while she was working at a computer thinking to myself "that wouldn't be her, she wouldn't wear such a tight fitting outfit, especially not one that seems nearly transparent, ick." I look all around and come back to find that it was her! What do I do then? Judgement? Rebuke? Ignorance? Apathy? For me, I talked to her for a few minutes completely avoiding looking even into her general direction and then taking my leave... nothing said but a lot thought. It sucks being stupid. Girls are evil, and guys are stupid.


Still, ever thankful for God's promise that:

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8

God tear down the mountains in my heart. Your grace is more than enough to break through the walls I put up, more than enough to drag me (kicking and screaming) out of my depths of sin and into your amazing presence. Your grace is enough.


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